I'm a thirty(ish) web designer living in the midwestern United States, better known as "the bible belt".

I've had a happy life. I lived in a nice house with my lover of 8 years and our fuzzy four-legged kids. I knew exactly what I wanted, where I was going, and who I was going to grow old with. but then? my world crashed. I went from extremely content to "what the hell is going on?" to "holy shit, I think I'm going to lose my lover, my home, and one of my kids" in a matter of less than a week. and wouldn't you know it, I was right...which really sucked ass.

I've never been one to handle change with any sort of grace whatsoever, so in the first week after our breakup I managed to have about 15? 20?...a whole hell of a lot of mental breakdowns. when it finally occurred to me that I had no control over my crazy, I got some fabulous drugs from my doctor, moved in to my best friend's spare bedroom, and started contemplating what the fuck I was going to do with my wrecked life.

the only good thing about hitting rock bottom? there really is no way to go but up. I don't know what my future holds...maybe my ex and I will reconcile; maybe we won't. maybe we'll become the best of friends; maybe we won't. maybe someday I'll find someone new to love. maybe I won't. maybe I'll just become an old spinster, still alone at 80. LOL those are things I have no control over, so they really don't matter.

what does matter? I have an opportunity to rediscover myself and a chance to redefine my life. my future is a clean slate, with no expectations and no plans. it is EXACTLY what I want to make of it.

"there came a time where I believed that my life was finished...but that was just The Beginning." goddamn right. goddamn right.