tonight I sat down with my oldest and dearest friend and watched a very thought provoking movie. and it sparked a heart to heart conversation about life experiences and how much they influence who you are and how you see your world. I won't discuss his revelations because they are his to share with whom he wishes.
but mine?
I am an anxiety ridden person. its something that I struggle with whenever I spend too much time with just myself. everyone experiences anxiety, but for me? its dibilitating and terrifying...take a jump on my crazy train. I struggle to hide it, and I think, for the most part, I do a rediculously good job with it.
I am also a passive person. I'm not good at saying "ouch" or "I'm pissed". in fact, I will do everything in my power to avoid admitting those feelings. and when I do get around to speaking them, it cost me sooo much personally to say them outloud.
and thats the negative "revelations". (I use that word losely, because it's not like I didn't already know those things about myself.) the big one? while I will always be an anxious, passive person...I can, and have, survived those things. I'm handling them better every day, as I learn to trust who I am.
the biggest one? I am happy with my life. sure I'd like to lose weight, make more money, smoke less and eat more salads....learn to say thanks often and give out more compliments...but I'm happy.
I don't have lots of friends, but the ones that I do have are worth knowing. I don't talk to or see my family often, but need and they will give, always. I don't have a vast savings account and I can't afford retirement, but I make my bills with enough left over to still enjoy the experiences of life that take money. I don't have two legged kids running around the house, but I have four legged ones to love just as much. I laugh daily.
mostly? I am priviledged to share my life with an incredible man who loves me...enough to put up with an "ouch" that took three months to get out. or to watch me pace the house or get lost in my own thoughts. enough to understand that its ME and how I am, even if he doesn't understand the why behind it. enough to share his life with me...the good, the bad, the ugly.
HAPPINESS IS ONLY REAL WHEN SHARED.
Awesome!
Why dont you walk along side me in a crowd of people? you will walk up to a strange horse with ALL the confidence in the world and make friends. so show that confidence all the time people will back down faster than a horse.you have a fear of people, I DO TOOO. you have no fear of animals that can hurt you, when they say i like you. The amount of people you know means nothing. the amount of FRIENDS means everything. You have shown me more than you think. LIFE DEALS YOU A SET OF CARDS........... I GOT MY ROYAL FLUSH. IM NOT TRADING SHIT.
I love this post. It is very hard to come clean with ourselves and admit what we are so afraid to say. I think it's just a process of growing up and growing into the unique person we are meant to be. I too think it's wonderful that you CAN be happy without living like the Jones'. People make such a big deal about having the perfect job, the perfect car, the perfect husband, the perfect house, the perfect kids. They size up successful people if and only if they have a gorgeous spouse, kids and a 2 story house in the suburbs. I TOTALLY HEAR YA! I get this all the time from my in-laws!! I don't know you all that well, but I think you are doing great and have your head on straight. =)