I had two lucky days of mild to no anxiety. but today has been very bad. today has been a day of thinking too damn much. did I do the right thing, leaving when I did? am I making the right decisions? is there something I could have said...should have said? something done differently?

I'm still having a hard time grasping that yes...this is my life. this lost, scared, betrayed, heartsick woman is who I'll be for a long time to come. I'll be going along, doing fine, and all the sudden it will hit me like a punch to the stomach...I won't be going home today. I won't be talking to him or seeing him today. I won't get to curl up on the couch and snuggle with Linus. tomorrow morning, I won't be walking out my door kissing him goodbye. all those things...all those daily little things that mean so damn much? are gone.

I miss my life.